Blessed

Friday, February 11, 2011

Cultural difference, my perspective

I came to America over 16 years ago from Guyana, a country in the Caribbean. I came with the perception that everything is good in America and this is the place to be. After all people who came here painted a rosy picture of this country. Needless to say was I surprised when I saw pot holes in the street. Yes! Something as simple as that caught my attention.
Some differences I observed were: Hugging, saying 'I love you', loud chatter, kids throwing tantrums, women seemed to be controlling their relationships with their men, etc.
The words 'I love you' were never verbally expressed in my family, this was only said to a boyfriend our husband. The words 'I love you' were expressed in cards (I remember making these at school for my parents on Mother's and Father's Day, and other important holidays, like Christmas). In America the words are used commonly or loosely to almost everyone. Hugging was never done in my family in Guyana. Americans and other cultural groups greet each other with hugs and kisses. 
Expressing one's self as a child was seen as being rude and often resulted in the rod (bamboo stick, which was also called the wild cane)which left welts on the body.
In this society I admire young children expressing themselves intelligently, and with such confidence. Hence, when I became a mother, I made every effort to change a lot of things in terms of the way I brought up my sons. I spoke to them about almost everything (that was something my parents never did, my father always encouraged us to read. As an adult I came to realize, this was probably his way for me and my siblings to gain knowledge. To date my parents are still not forthcoming with information when asked, and that is very frustrating). 
Kids throwing tantrums and hitting their parents, surprised me (my first thoughts were can't these people control their children, how are they allowing these kids to hit them. 
Another cultural difference was that the children here could call the cops on their parents, dial 911 and Child Protective Services to report a whipping from a parent. Not in my country, there was no such reprieve.
I came to realize that this service is vital, since there are a lot of children who are ligitimately being abused.
In Guyana, in relationships the man is the dominant figure, making the decision, is the bread winner while the woman take care of the house. In my culture the women are expected to be subservient, I always had a problem with that, and acted contrary, hence my first marriage ended. For the record I was gainfully employed from the time I graduated high school, until I came to this country.
In America the women seem to be in control of their relationships and are very vocal and independent. I have witnessed women talking down and embarrassing their partners in public, shouting at these guys as if they were idiots. Maybe in some situations the roles have changed, women being the breadwinners are now acting like the men used to act! Somthing to think about!!!My family have adapted somewhat to the American culture, but are still holding on to their roots.

4 comments:

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  2. This post made me giggle. I giggled at the part where you said, "I have witnessed women talking down and embarrassing their partners in public, shouting at these guys as if they were idiots." That was so funny but so true. As an African American, I notice this alot in Black communities. Especially, being that more black women than ever are the breadwinners in their households, wear the pants, and pay the bills.

    --- Shaneek Martin

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  3. I agree with you when you say the kids in this country abuse their parents and parents cannot do a thing about it. I came from Pakistan where disciplining a child is a way to teach them to respect their elders, others and values. Over there our teachers had the right to hit us when something was done wrong as a form of punishment. I would say some people take discipline to a whole different level which becomes abuse but some people do it to teach their children to respect others and to mold them into responsible individuals.

    I see many kids nowadays running around wild, not going to school, getting in trouble with the law, getting arrested in very young age, and doing all sort of wrong things. I sometimes wonder what will come out of the new generation if there is no discipline in the country.

    The American system protects the children who have no voice to speak up but these children are taking advantage and are always threatening their parents to tell on them even if parents are innocent.

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  4. I agree with you on the part where you are discussing how words about love lost their meaning in modern culture. It is not just in the United States where almost everybody loves everybody, it happens in many other countries as well. I can not get used to it and I think it will be hard for me to do that but it is part of modern life right now. Love lost its meaning as a feeling and sometimes even passion or desire is compared with this, as I see it, high feeling.

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